As the number of featherless animals Ethan has encountered has gradually begun to increase, he seems, rather predictably, to have been struck by a compulsion to sort them. However, since he already has to spend so much time keeping up with the latest bird-related whims of the eggheads at Cornell, he has taken it upon himself to propose a new, simpler taxonomy to encompass everything else.  So, without further ado, here are Ethan’s best and most terrible beasts: